Holy Shite, it's December!

I am accustomed to the date changing in the middle of my work shift; it's one of the hazards of working overnights. But when the hell did it become December? I still remember having to remember to write 2005 instead of 2004. It was just last month, I swear it! But now, midnight has come and gone and it's just about a month til I have to learn the year all over again! That's just not right. I think someone must have cashed in the daylight savings time that has been accruing for years. It is the only logical explanation for the fact that the last year has passed in the span of a couple of months. I know it can't have been 12 months since last Christmas, because I would have lost all the weight I have been planning to lose by this year.

It's frightening to think that this quick passage of time is what the remainder of my life will be like. I have always been a procrastinator, but now I may not even have time to do that any more! It seems like just a few weeks ago that I was celebrating my 36th birthday. At this rate I’ll be 40 by the time I’m 38! (No wonder my mom celebrates the same birthday several years in a row.)

Part of the problem, I am sure, is what I call our “microwave society.” We are so busy trying to get things done faster, we don’t even have time to enjoy what is going on. I love hot tea. But I detest microwaved water. I like my things to have taken some time and effort to have been accomplished. I love to cook, and to my mind (Or at least my taste buds), food cooked and prepared from scratch tastes much better than when is has been nuked. Even the frozen dinners you cook in a skillet are a shadowy reflection of food actually prepared. Of course, when you only have 30 minutes for lunch, some sacrifice must be made.

We no longer write letters. Well, most of us, it is far more practical to write an e-mail and have it delivered within minutes. Imagine the post office didn’t exist and you were to trying to propose the idea of a post office in these times, people would look at you like you were insane!

You - “No, really, we’d have men in trucks and they would come to your house and take your note to someone else’s house. For only 37 cents.”

Your friend - “How long would it take?”

You - “A few days, up to a week, depends on how busy they are.”

Your friend - “Are you on crack right now?”

I bought a crock pot on sale the other day. It was less than half price. I am sure it was so cheap because no one knew what the hell it was. And when they saw “slow cooker” on the box, they probably freaked and went to get an instant double espresso.

And that’s another thing! Between Espresso, energy drinks, Jolt Cola, crack cocaine and crystal meth, how are we supposed to be patient enough to wait for anything anyway? Hell there is even caffeinated gum! Just how fast does a person need to chew anyway?

So, in case I miss you next week, Happy New Year!

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Random fact: On this date in 1913, the first drive-in automobile service station opened, in Pittsburgh.