Portable Philosophy

I have this bag, okay, I have many bags, but there is one in particular that I am talking about today. It is a green canvas messenger bag that I got at a surplus store. I always liked the bag, and one day I started putting buttons on it. Now it has in the neighborhood of sixty buttons. Most of the buttons have been purchased at various t-shirt or adult bookstores. (So, Mom, if you hear stories that I was in an adult book store, it was just to buy buttons!) There are other buttons I would have bought, but I have tried to keep it PG-13. Anyway, I have listed the buttons here, for your viewing pleasures.

-Service may vary according to my mood and your attitude
-It's not just a body it's an adventure
-The aliens promised me it would grow back
-Someone Less Dumb for President
-Coffee isn't helping get the jumper cables
-Excuse me, but I have minds to twist and values to warp
-Everything I need to know about life I've learned from reading banned books
-Guns don't kill people? yeah, right
-All religions are fairy tales
-Just pretend I'm not here - That's what I'm doing
-I do all my own nude scenes
-God is watching-give Him a good show
-I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time
-Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
-It's sick the way you people keep HAVING SEX without me.
-Dip me in honey & throw me to the lesbians
-TV is educational. It teaches you how stupid the networks think you are.
-Another brilliant mind ruined by education.
-You nonconformists are all alike.
-"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yeild to it." Oscar Wilde
-I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on a disk somewhere.
-I am not infantile, you stinkybutt poophead.
-I've got nothing against God, it's his fan club I can't stand.
-A normal person is just one you don't know real well.
-Believe those who seek the truth. Doubt those who find it.
-I see you're playing stupid again...looks like you're winning too.
-Don't make me come down there. God
-Immaturity: It's not just for children anymore.
-If love is blind why is lingerie so popular???
-You're not famous until they put your head on a PEZ dispenser
-Ignorance may be bliss. I wouldn't know.
-"Not all who wander are lost." JRR Tolkien
-GET REAL If I'm lying wouldn't my pants be on fire?
-I have no idea what I'm doing out bed.
-Happiness is a journey, not a place.
-Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable.
-Seriously bizarre
-You cannot stop me, you cannot destroy me, for I am the cockroach of love.
-Jesus loves you but I'm his favorite.
-I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
-Emotional baggage limited to two checked pieces and one carry on.
-Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.
-Where are we going and why am l in this handbasket?
-I'm reading your mind. Okay, I'm done.
-Mr. Right just called. He's cheating on you and he's gay.
-Never put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today
-Spiritual people inspire me. Religious people frighten me.
-Free the endorphins
-"The only unnatural act is the one which cannot be performed." William Burroughs
-Who says I want to fit in?
-To Err Is Human, To Really Screw Things Up You Need Religion
-Can't sleep, clowns will eat me
-A clean house is a sign of a wasted life
-Don't act stupid We have World Leaders for that
-If the world's a stage, I'll be needing more wardrobe
-Never underestimate the power of a sick mind
-Why be normal when you can be yourself!
-Out of my mind back in 5 minutes
-Parental Advisory