Thursday, November 09, 2006

Tonight on WTF Theater...

I got a call to see if I could come in early today, and, since I like to be able to pay my bills, in I came. Mind you, when the call came in I was sitting at home watching Tyra Banks be sympathetic to the homeless on her show. She even dressed up like a homeless person and went out on the street for a night. Well, her and her camera crew. It was kind of a traffic accident hour of television, I couldn't look away. She seemed touched by the whole experience, but the question I have is,"So what do you do now Ms. Banks?"

Wow, I got sidetracked in my first paragraph. That usually happens later on. I didn't intend to write about the pseudo homeless super model, I came to write about Schwarzenegger!

Normally I bring movies in to work on the evening shifts, tonight I left home and forgot to grab anything. As we channel surfed, we found "Commando" coming up next on one of the Spanish channels. GREAT! I haven't seen this movie in a loooong time, but I always remember it as one of my favorite Arnie movies.

My brain has played tricks on me. This was not the movie I remember loving. The "Commando" of my memory was a gripping action movie with great fight scenes and a menacing bad guy. Granted, this version was cut for TV and was dubbed into Spanish, but it just wasn't what I remember. The "Commando" that I watched tonight was very 80's-tastic. Especially the soundtrack. Hoo boy was it annoying. And the end title theme was powerfully bad! Also, the main villain, Bennett, played by Vernon Wells, who I remember as being quite a badass? Yeah, turns out he's gay. Well, I don't know if the actor was in the closet with Doogie Houser, but the character in the film was flaming! Tight leather pants, mesh sleeveless shirt, fingerless gloves, and a dog chain and teeny padlock around his neck. All he needed to complete the outfit was a feather boa to try to strangle Arnie with. Cause Lord knows bullets weren't working. They must have had every available Hollywood extra touting a rifle and trying to shoot him down. These guys must have gone to the Keystone Cops school of shooting, cause they couldn't hit the ground if they were aiming at it. And the hand to hand combat scenes weren't any better. I can imagine the director giving the stuntmen their directions; "Okay, you five guys stand around holding your automatic rifles and wait for Mr. Schwarzenegger to come over to you and hit you. Don't worry, we won't show your faces on screen, that way you can still face your families with some dignity."

Maybe I have just become spoiled in the 20 years (Ouch, that long?) since this movie came out. There have been such amazing leaps in fight choreography and special effects that there is no way to watch this movie and take it any kind of seriously. Especially when you have eleven Hispanic kids who speak next to no English trying to pronounce "Schwarzenegger." And one of their first questions is "Isn't that the Governor who hates illegals?"

Sometimes I can't believe I get paid to be this entertained.


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