Sunday, August 16, 2009

In another world...

I saw her again tonight. But still I said nothing. I am sure that I am making things more complicated than I have to, but over analyzing things is a specialty of mine. If she wasn't friends of friends it might be easier. If she wasn't a friend of someone my friends wanted me to meet, it might be easier. If I didn't think her friend might have an interest in me that I don't feel in return...Well, I am sure you get the picture by now.

I am always worried that she'll catch me staring at her, that I'll be giving off some creepy vibe that will only make her uncomfortable rather than reveal the thoughts I have of her. Does she know how her nose crinkles when she makes an “eww icky” face? Has anyone ever told her how her eyes light up when she smiles? And oh what a smile! I find myself telling dumber jokes than usual just to try to coax one out of her.

I've gotten a few “friend” kisses from her, mostly through precedence set by her friend, but I don't have the courage to instigate one upon meeting or parting, it is all left to her whim. But she has such soft lips and I can't help but wonder what they would feel like pressed to mine. Is her breath as sweet and warm as she is? Are her kisses as fiery and filled with passion as she is from the conversations we have had? As playful and unassuming as she is? God, I'm staring again.

But how can I not? She has such an amazing body, curvaceous and thick, like a woman should be. Not some emaciated stick figure of a woman. How would it feel to hold her, to feel her press against me in an embrace which is more than friendly? Is her skin as soft as it looks? Is she someone who would want to cuddle after sex? Snuggled up against me as I run my fingers over her. To slip my arms around her waist and nuzzle into the back of her neck and drift off to satisfied dreams.

I nibbled that neck tonight, but it was just in the pretense of games with everyone. But did she notice that hers was the only one I did that too? Hers was the only finger I was sucking on seductively, but I wasn't the only one playing with her. Did she even notice I was doing that. Could she see the heat in my eyes or tell the thoughts, far from innocent, going on behind them?

But still I made no move. Waiting for some sign from her. Something that would indicate an interest in return. We are a flirtatious group by nature, but I focus my attentions on her primarily. I don't want to make an ass of myself. I keep asking what the worst is that could happen, but it has been a while since I have been with anyone. I don't want to reek of desperation, even though I haven't had this kind of attraction to anyone in quite some time. So I do nothing to obvious and wish that she could read my mind.

Years have passed since that night, and after that initial attraction we've become good friends and nothing romantic or physical has ever transpired. Once or twice, there was a fleeting possibility of maybe something, but she had other romantic interests, or I did. As time passed we got to know each other too well to think that we might actually work out together as a serious relationship. We've had serious talks and there are some very compatible aspects as well as some that would cause one of us to kill the other. Her beauty and sexiness have never diminished, though, and there are moments that I wonder “What if?” and imagine her and me breathless and spent in a tangle of sheets, reaching for water and giggling in the glow of satisfied after play. We still flirt, but there is too much reality to let the fantasy happen.

Most of the time I am okay with that.


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